Step 2... HEY!?...uhh... WHATS STEP TWO!?

     I don't really have anything to say, I just kinda felt like saying something. I wanted to share something I've been working on, but don't really know what to share. Music? Sketches? Poetry? Honestly, tonight, I think its just me.

Some of this is from nowhere, the rest from my heart, along with various inspirations that have grown from a spark.

So, lately Ive been looking for two evasive women... Inspiration, and... well I don't know her name, so let's call her "her".
Inspiration comes and goes, though she's never here when I need her.
And when I talk to "her" its almost as I didn't need her.
And "she's" another story, and though Id never leave "her".
I'm sleeping with inspiration, so I don't know if I can keep "her".

I cant seem to stay inspired. Just as soon as I begin working on a piece I loose interest, or I'm hit with an idea that changes the piece and starts a new brainstorm. And it seems to be the same with women. Just as I should be "making my next move" something comes up or she shows me something new that changes my perspective. Beyond that, it seems when I'm not worried bout a female, or in "good standings" with one I'm not inspired, and vice verse. Which leads me to believe they are intertwined. But why now?

I can say that creating has never been a problem for me, I could always just roll up and go nuts! But now, I find myself plagued with random thoughts of my future relationships, past relationships, and present potential relationships, love songs puppy dogs and other sappy shit.At this point I feel I need to handle it because it is impeding my creative process, which makes me feel watered down as a person.

My level of inspiration varies depending on a lot of things. With music, the instrumental is ALL that MATTERS,  if anything else is even noticed it compliments the feeling. For whatever reason, a lot of the tracks I was, and still am, feeling are not done. I just stopped after 1 verse or so. The instrumental itself still gives me the same feeling, and the lyrics usually blow my mind.To the point that it physically bothers me to listen to them because they're unfinished, and when I try to I'm always too intimidated by the first verse to finish the second. But lately Ive been on my D.F.S. ( Discipline Focus Sacrifice) and have finished a few of them, and man... Honestly some of the first verses still MURDER the rest of the song, but it compliments beautifully to form a complete song.

So... at the beginning of 2010 I planned to "do me". A no, "girlfriend" but she can think that long as my feelings were safe, mentality. I had been hurt by women in general, not to mention the ex, and influenced by friends with a totally different outlook on relationships. I did it, and got hurt, again. So another reformation was made. I wasn't messing with any female beyond a platonic level, period. Until I could figure out what I wanted and how to get it. But now, that I know I want one woman behind me that compliments me, and I her, I'm either plagued with women that don't begin to measure up and, as soon as I see they're "plastic", they're kept at a distance and eventually ignored. Or we kick it once or twice and I kinda stop calling.

Ive grown to learn that I'm afraid of success. I hate the limelight, recognition, and damn near just being noticed. But its hard for me not to be, and that may be the very reason I hate it. I wasn't afraid to write a whack verse, because I had already made a dope song. I was more afraid that I might murder the second verse worse, and create something really worth recognition. Not thinking I had already taken the first step on the journey to making a hott song, and all I had to do was see it out until the end.

With all that said, I suppose I should apply the same logic to my relationships, and everything for that matter. I can confess that I'm a "giver-upper". I quit half way through too many things, for whatever reason. So now I must see EVERYTHING out til its end. I must know when something is reaching its end and be able to end it. I must know "it ain't over, til its over". !D.iscipline

So, in summation, step 2..... is discipline.

This post may have changed everything this blog was supposed to be.

D.F.S.
peace&blessings